罵人的藝術

又唔一定係罵既，或曰回應的藝術。最差的回應方式是潑婦罵街，以為聲大夾惡就可以？反擊不成反而失卻自己身份；能平心靜氣以理服人當然好；若不動絲毫不動肝火而來個語帶相關連消帶打的回應，大方得體還讓對方語窒乃為最高境界。

這是最近看唐司長卻將肥彭拿來為他的GST護航，肥彭回應得從容不迫，四兩撥千斤將唐司長出招化解後的感想。

這方面，英國的政治家可謂老手中的老手，你要是攻擊我麼，我就以幽默自嘲來回應，來個以柔制剛，表面是嘲諷自己，實際在暗寸(還是這港式term)對方，像紳士般優雅的使走對手。

肥彭當然有一手，在他之前，還有另一位更厲害的巨人，看過蔡子強的《新君王論》後我直把他封為偶像，他是二次大戰時英國首相邱吉爾(Winston Churchill)。

例子一：話說邱吉爾入了下議院的洗手間，工黨黨魁艾德禮(Clement Attlee)也在裡面，丘吉爾看到他之後就到一個較遠的另一端去…

Attlee: Winston, I konw we are political opponents, but we don't have to carry our differences into the gentlemen's lavatory.
Churchill: Clement, the trouble with you Socialists is that whatever you see anything in robust and sturdy condition you want the government to regulate it.

咀裡不饒人不需要弄個猙獰的面孔出來，笑笑口也可以的。一招語帶相關既諷刺到別人又…暗讚了自己…

例子二：話說意大利軍官看到盧森堡官員胸前掛著皇家海軍十字勳章，就說：

"Mr. Churchill, can you believe that Luxembourg has an admiralty award and they don't even have a navy?"
Churchill: Why shouldn't they have an admiralty? You in Italy, after all, have a Ministry of Finance--yet you don't have a treasury!

例子三：Nancy Astor，英國女性首位上下院議員。曾就納粹黨而被邱吉爾揶揄過。某天她在斟咖啡時：

Anstor: Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee.

Churchill: If I were your husband, I'd drink it.

例子四：劇作家蕭伯納信奉社會主義，和邱吉爾政見大有不同，某次他給邱吉爾一個電報：

"Am reserving two tickets for you on opening night of my new play. Come bring a friend...if you have one."
Churchill: Impossible for me to attend first performance. Would like to attend second night...if there is one.

還有，話說邱吉爾首次參選，逐家逐戶洗樓時，有位人兄說：

"Vote for you? Why, I'd rather vote for the devil!"

Churchill: But in case your friend is not running, may I count on your support?

都夠厲害了，來勢洶洶的招數就被他笑裡藏刀的化解了，對方應該給他不留情面又寸寸貢(又要再用這個全神的港式term)的回答氣得半死。當然，Churchill先生的功力不止以上那些抵死的對答，他最為人所津津樂道的乃是在二次大戰時一篇又一篇激勵人心的演講，尤其他上台後首篇演講，說當人民身處絕境，他只能為國家奉獻他的 "blood, toil, tears, and sweat"，勉勵英國人民奮勇抵抗到最後，多慷慨激昂﹗

反觀特區政治人物，相比人家的優雅細緻就顯得粗枝大葉。請不要怪我崇洋，真是由衷的欣賞這種幽默、胸襟廣闊的說話藝術。雖然有些東西是天生的，後天…是有些…就即管將勤補拙吧…(我說我…哈哈)
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Reference：

我反覆睇完又睇的：新君王論 (第一、二集：蔡子強；第三集：蔡子強、原復生、劉細良)

The Wit & Wisdom of Winston Churchill A Treasury of More Than 1,000 Qutoations and Anecdotes, James C. Humes

另外的：
弊傢伙，買大咗！
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